Kelliefish13's Blog

Travel writing, Poems and Stories



I have just read about what its like to receive an asperger diagnosis as an adult and found it really interesting.
It made me think about myself and my lack of diagnosis for dyslexia. Which I am certain I have but have never got diagnosed as its expensive and I don’t currently have a use for it.
But I would like to tell about how I got here, and what it was like growing up not knowing.
When I was younger I had no idea at all, I remember clearly waiting in line fore the teacher to look at my writing watching the children in front of me have their work read easily by the teacher and only a few spelling corrections made. Then it was my turn, I had written less than half of what they had and I needed to read it to the teacher as she couldn’t make sense of the jumble of letters I had put down. The teacher was fantastic she never made me feel less for my work, however I could see what other children in my class could do and knew mine wasn’t anywhere near as good. I felt stupid, it was gutting. My parents had talked to my teachers numerous times about my writing and asked if their was anything that could be done they were assured I was doing fine and was a bright child, which was usual at the time as dyslexia was not acknowledged by the government and teachers were not taught how to pick it up. This carried on throughout my schooling and though I heard the term dyslexia I thought it mostly applied to reading and I was good at reading and loved it, even though the words on the page would often move around on me and I would have to re read things when they didn’t make sense, along with not being able to sound tricky words out I had a system where I just recognised them as a word that starts with ___ and looks long with lots of up pointy bits and would work out the meaning for out of context, which meant I didn’t recognise them when I heard them aloud (I also had many other weird ways of doing things to make the words readable, most of which I didn’t know weren’t normal). I think the reason I could read so well is that from when I was born I was read to so much by all the adults around me that I couldn’t help but love books and stories. English in high school was hard but I enjoyed many of the topics just found it frustrating when trying to show what I knew. University was even harder and I found myself failing a science paper twice even though I had put a lot of effort into learning the material, along with spending long hours writing assignments trying to get the information out of my head and onto paper, before it disappeared or scrambled. Towards the end of my time at university I decided to find out what dyslexia was as I my Mum had mentioned a few times that I probably had it and it was making things hard for me. So I looked it up on the internet and to start off with didn’t find that much but I kept looking and reading and finally found a few websites with more detailed informations. I looked through the long lists of symptoms and realised that it was so much more than bad spelling and reading. I started to realise that I wasn’t stupid, or going mad like I had thought on occasion my brain just worked differently and that so many of the things I had struggled with were just part of being dyslexic. Suddenly my world made sense, I made sense to myself. I told a few people, my family went yeah, so, what’s new? then didn’t really want to hear any more about it, a few friends didn’t believe me and a few more didn’t seem to see why I thought that this was important. But to me it was huge suddenly things started making sense and I could understand myself more. Since then I have been talking with one of my work colleagues whose daughter is dyslexic and has been receiving help through her schooling about many of the weird things that she does and that I do or have tricks to get around it. One of the weirdest ones was that for a while her daughter kept turning around or would look off to the side because she kept seeing movement out of the corner of her eye, turns out it was part of the dyslexia. I have that too, only I never knew what it was so when I was young and ghost stories were in fashion I figured I must be seeing ghost out of the corner of my eyes and they would disappear when ever I tried to see them properly and have been terrified of ghosts most of my life. Still slightly scared and believe in them but am not quite so terrified any more.
Its not such a big deal now, I do still find lots of things frustrating and feel like I am going mad, but at least I know why and have some strategies to help. I try and practise things that I know I am weak at writing this blog is one of them, word puzzles are another to try and learn things that will help me in the long run. I laugh when I manage to rearrange words in a sentence while speaking, I point instead of saying left or right, along with thousands of other tricks and odd things I do to pretend to be normal, and occasionally I say I’m dyslexic to explain they way that I am. It may be frustrating at times but it makes me who I am.


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Today is a bundle of awesomeness.

Reason number 5 – It is holidays
reason number two – its a yummy sunny day that is warm enough for me to go outside with out wearing a million layer
reason number one – I had an awesome day yesterday which involved an awesome pub which had out canvas’ and art supplies so while we had our yummy roast lunch and chatted instead of fidgiting I could draw and doodle to my hearts content. Once finished we could either leave our pic behind or donate some money to whatever charity they were collecting for this week. They do it every Sunday. So much awesomeness! And my favourite part – Its NOT aimed at children! its there for adults. Though I don’t think they would have minded if children did it too, it was there for adults to do. So much fun!
reason number 4 – almost no body knows me here which means I can wear whatever I like, and no one can take photos of me either!
reason number 3 – its Autumn and there are lots of pretty colours everywhere, once the washing is done I am heading out to take lots of pretty photos.

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Too Many Choices

There are so many choices in our world right now.
I could travel to almost any country, choose any job/career, change it when I get bored, do so many different things…
Of course to be able to do these things there are often things that need to be set up in the process such as visas, passport, training, degrees etc etc etc.
But on the whole we aren’t restricted by much, and for the most part is true if you put your mind to it you can have anything you want.
Which is great if you happen to know what you want….
And by the time you have jumped through all the hoops to get there its still what you want.
But how does one choose in the first place what it is you want to do?
When I was younger I had it all planned out I would go to school, then go to Uni, meet a guy, work for a while, get married, have kids. All this by the time I was 25.
It sounded like a great plan and it was apart from a few minor thing…
part way through high school I realised all of a sudden that I needed to choose what I was going to do at Uni and there were hundreds of courses to choose from and not only that there were a whole lots of different techs courses I could do and not only did I have to choose a course I had to choose which university or tech to go to. Scary times especially when I didn’t really know enough about anything to choose what I wanted to do.
In the end I choose got half way through a degree discovered that I really didn’t like it and changed… add several thousand dollars to student loan and several years off my time plan.
Also somewhere along the way I decided I also wanted to travel. SO here I am on the other side of the world trying to choose where to visit next and how to fund it. People keep asking me how long do I intend to stay, I don’t know, I have no idea. The longer I travel the more places I find out about, that are recommended, that I stop briefly in and want to see more.
My plan for uni, marriage and kids by the time I am 25 has completely gone out the window. I am 26 now and the only thing ticked off is uni (and meet a guy).
Life never turns out the way you expect, but thats ok I kinda like it that way.